A Bit of Revelation...

The other night, I posted the song "Not While I'm Around." It is from a secular musical, Sweeney Todd, which is one of my personal favorites in terms of music. Beautiful songs, such as the one above, also "Johanna" and "Pretty Women." Beautiful, haunting, deep melodies.

A praying friend of mine on Facebook whom I have met due to our mutual love for the Bay of the Holy Spirit Revival made a great comment to me after reading my last blog entry and listening to the song. He said, "J, why don't you look at this song in a different light...since you said God speaks to you in songs, maybe He is speaking to you through THIS song too."

While I had posted it as a song for my daughter, I had to think about what this praying friend said. And then I took a look at the lyrics, and thought about God's love for me, through this PNE journey, and life in general. While not ALL the lyrics apply directly, the gist does.

Not While I'm Around (from "Sweeney Todd")

Nothing's gonna harm you, not while I'm around.
Nothing's gonna harm you, no sir, not while I'm around.

Demons are prowling everywhere, nowadays,
I'll send 'em howling,
I don't care, I got ways.

No one's gonna hurt you,
No one's gonna dare.
Others can desert you,
Not to worry, whistle, I'll be there.

Demons'll charm you with a smile, for a while,
But in time...
Nothing can harm you
Not while I'm around...

Not to worry, not to worry
I may not be smart, but I'm not dumb.
I can do it. Put me to it. Show me somethin - I can overcome.
Not to worry, ma'am.

Being close and being clever
Ain't like being true
I don't need to,
I would never hide a thing from you,
Like some...

Nothin's gonna harm you. Not while I'm around.
Nothing's gonna harm you, darling
Not while I'm around.

Demons'll charm you with a smile, for a while,
But in time...
Nothing can harm you
Not while I'm around...

Wow.

My love for my daughter

This journey with PNE has been so hard on my family. On the three of us. Today/tonight was especially difficult, as I'm experiencing more and more of a new symptom.

When I can, and tonight was one of those nights, I suck up the pain and sit in the rocker/glider that I put together when I was 8 months pregnant, rock my angel baby to sleep, and I think of songs like this. Tonight, I couldn't even get out any words for her sweet ears to hear. I just had her listen to my heart.

I want to sing again..... God, the pain that encompasses every possible realm is just overtaking us. In your mercy, please send your angels to surround us and go before us, making a way.

This song is the epitome of a mother's love for her baby. And I love Barbra Streisand.

There is a River

Lord Jesus, when I first heard this anointed song, years before I had PNE, it spoke to my heart. Let all who listen to this song be touched by your mercy and love. And, Lord, you know my prayer is to minister this song with my own voice.... again.... someday.... in your mercy, let it be soon.

Whispers

"My Lord!" I cry. "Where are you? You see my pain, you see my suffering, you KNOW, O Lord the magnitude of it. " I am here.

"Lord, PLEASE, PLEASE take this pain out of my body! In the name of Jesus, as You declared in your Word, I command this pain to be removed from my body, by the power and authority in Your blood." I will heal you.

"Father God, I cannot bear this anymore. My life is passing me by. You know my heart's cry! I cannot hold my daughter, I cannot sit to rock her to sleep. I do not have any closeness, intimacy with my husband, God we are UNABLE because of the pain! Why, God, why?" Wait, I say. Wait. I will do it.

"But, I had a glimpse of hope! Would it get better? I thought it was! Lord!! Why am I flat on my back again? Why, Lord Jesus? Trust Me.

"When, God, when? Oh, Lord, WHEN? We cannot bear any more of this!! Please help us!" I will restore to you the locusts have eaten. Wait, I say.

These are the whispers from my Lord when I cried out to Him this morning, in agony, desperate. I share them with you to encourage you and to re-encourage myself.

"I have loved you with an everlasting love, I have called you, and you are Mine."

Tears

Tears

My tears fall down

thick as the rain

that drops on my steps.

Pouring out of my soul,

out of the depths of my being,

out of everything I am.

They start in my heart

and move to my mind,

and back again,

back again.

An endless circle of pain

that no one understands...

My tears fall as the rain.