Wanted to share this with everyone that reads my blog. While it doesn't have to do directly with PNE, my friend Victor was one of the students attending the American Institute of Musical Studies that shared his Bible with me and some materials/cds from his church in Baltimore, MD, when I gave my life to the Lord in Graz, Austria in 2004. Good luck to you, Victor and Mikael!
Kickstarter Link - Supporting Victor and Mikael - Stravinsky's "Rite of Spring"
Sunday, May 20, 2012
Monday, May 14, 2012
The "Glory" Cloud
Some may think this is crazy... and trust me, it is truly an individual experience... but have you ever seen a glimpse of the glory of God? What does this mean? To some, it's not about God, per se; it may mean reaching a "zen" moment (I do not know much about this), being "one with the universe," or feeling such self-satisfaction at accomplishing something or finally achieving something that the world is completely in the palm of one's hand. I could remember times before I became a born-again believer, I would have these moments at times and feel so confident, like I could conquer the world. Every hair was in place, my eyes sparkled with excitement, self-assurance, and pride, my outfit was stunning and flattered all the right places, and most often, that moment was connected to singing. When I would nail an aria like it was no one's business, maintain complete, calculated control under a soaring high D, or portray the essence of a piece of lied or mélodié with graceful aplomb, I was in my "glory cloud." Perhaps it was after an intimate conversation with a significant other, or a dash through the Austrian rain in my bare feet (all precious memories) that I experienced such heightened bliss. All of these moments have been glorious in their own way; there is nothing on the contrary to say that they were not anything but. However, since rededicating my life to the Lord God, I have to say with confidence that there is nothing like the cloud of God's glory.
This sounds mysterious. To even make sense of it myself, I must turn to the scriptures and point a few things out. Now, by no means am I a Bible scholar. I am opening up another window and looking this up on www.biblegateway.com
So after typing in "God's glory," I find this:
11 And it came to pass when the priests came out of the Most Holy Place (for all the priests who were present had sanctified themselves, without keeping to their divisions), 12 and the Levites who were the singers, all those of Asaph and Heman and Jeduthun, with their sons and their brethren, stood at the east end of the altar, clothed in white linen, having cymbals, stringed instruments and harps, and with them one hundred and twenty priests sounding with trumpets— 13 indeed it came to pass, when the trumpeters and singers were as one, to make one sound to be heard in praising and thanking the Lord, and when they lifted up their voice with the trumpets and cymbals and instruments of music, and praised the Lord, saying:
(I added the highlights to the above passage.) It was so precious what I experienced this past weekend as I sang (ministered) as a soloist and as a choir member at the 5th Anniversary Celebration Concert of The Pittsburgh Gospel Choir. Not only was I completely humbled that Dr. Jones would take the time to explain to the massive audience a bit of my testimony, about how one year ago this same woman about to sing could not walk or sit without massive pain (not to mention the emotional bondage and turmoil in my mind and heart), but I was just stilled at the Glory of what God Almighty has/had done in my life. The audience gave shouts of praise for my healing, and marveled when Dr. Jones remarked that I had traveled to Vienna to have surgery and that God would divinely CHOOSE the surgeon as His vessel to bring forth healing in this body of mine!
We always used to remark that "wouldn't it be such a powerful testimony if you were MIRACULOUS healed in a moment, Jessica?" Surely God could do that. Even as twinges of a flare still pulse through my body at times, I am still unfortunately led to a place of not trusting wholeheartedly in God's promise of being completely restored. So -- again, I am lead to study more about fear and how it is the opposite of faith... anyways... back to the original point.
The "Glory Cloud." As an artist, there is a moment when you are onstage and the stage lights illuminate your face so strongly that you feel completely in your element during the song you sing, the scene you portray, the point you try to get across to your audience. It's glorious. It's illuminated. I can remember one particular time when the beauty of a Strauss vocal line brought me to actual tears when singing the role of Sophie in Der Rosenkavalier. That is really frowned upon -- breaking that line between true human emotion and portrayed emotion -- but it was simply impossible during the incredible duet, "Ist ein Traum / Spür' nur dich". Incredible.
So, developing this deeper, I go back to the Glory Cloud and add "God" to it. It is a place where you are simply seeing gold auras around people, when there is a sweet heaviness to your immediate environment, and an intimacy and peace that only the Father can bring. Sometimes, there is stillness and quiet. At other times there is intensity and evolvement of that intensity into something tangible.
Reflecting upon the miracle done thus far in my life through the healing I have experienced, I can only describe the moment below as "basking in the light of His presence." I, as a Levite, was set at perfect peace as I set forth to minister Moses Hogan's arrangement of the Negro spiritual, "There's a Man Goin' Round." To live in that Glory Cloud would be nothing short of being in Heaven at His throne. And you see why I want to sing. And to testify about what He took me out of and continues to walk me through.
This sounds mysterious. To even make sense of it myself, I must turn to the scriptures and point a few things out. Now, by no means am I a Bible scholar. I am opening up another window and looking this up on www.biblegateway.com
So after typing in "God's glory," I find this:
2 Chronicles 5
New King James Version (NKJV)
5 So all the work that Solomon had done for the house of the Lord was finished; and Solomon brought in the things which his father David had dedicated: the silver and the gold and all the furnishings. And he put them in the treasuries of the house of God.
The Ark Brought into the Temple
2 Now Solomon assembled the elders of Israel and all the heads of the tribes, the chief fathers of the children of Israel, in Jerusalem, that they might bring the ark of the covenant of the Lord up from the City of David, which is Zion. 3 Therefore all the men of Israel assembled with the king at the feast, which was in the seventh month. 4 So all the elders of Israel came, and the Levites took up the ark. 5 Then they brought up the ark, the tabernacle of meeting, and all the holy furnishings that were in the tabernacle. The priests and the Levites brought them up. 6 Also King Solomon, and all the congregation of Israel who were assembled with him before the ark, were sacrificing sheep and oxen that could not be counted or numbered for multitude. 7 Then the priests brought in the ark of the covenant of the Lord to its place, into the inner sanctuary of the temple,[a] to the Most Holy Place, under the wings of the cherubim. 8 For the cherubim spread their wings over the place of the ark, and the cherubim overshadowed the ark and its poles. 9 The poles extended so that the ends of the poles of the ark could be seen from the holy place, in front of the inner sanctuary; but they could not be seen from outside. And they are there to this day. 10 Nothing was in the ark except the two tablets which Moses put there at Horeb, when the Lord made a covenant with the children of Israel, when they had come out of Egypt.11 And it came to pass when the priests came out of the Most Holy Place (for all the priests who were present had sanctified themselves, without keeping to their divisions), 12 and the Levites who were the singers, all those of Asaph and Heman and Jeduthun, with their sons and their brethren, stood at the east end of the altar, clothed in white linen, having cymbals, stringed instruments and harps, and with them one hundred and twenty priests sounding with trumpets— 13 indeed it came to pass, when the trumpeters and singers were as one, to make one sound to be heard in praising and thanking the Lord, and when they lifted up their voice with the trumpets and cymbals and instruments of music, and praised the Lord, saying:
that the house, the house of the Lord, was filled with a cloud, 14 so that the priests could not continue ministering because of the cloud; for the glory of the Lord filled the house of God.
(I added the highlights to the above passage.) It was so precious what I experienced this past weekend as I sang (ministered) as a soloist and as a choir member at the 5th Anniversary Celebration Concert of The Pittsburgh Gospel Choir. Not only was I completely humbled that Dr. Jones would take the time to explain to the massive audience a bit of my testimony, about how one year ago this same woman about to sing could not walk or sit without massive pain (not to mention the emotional bondage and turmoil in my mind and heart), but I was just stilled at the Glory of what God Almighty has/had done in my life. The audience gave shouts of praise for my healing, and marveled when Dr. Jones remarked that I had traveled to Vienna to have surgery and that God would divinely CHOOSE the surgeon as His vessel to bring forth healing in this body of mine!
We always used to remark that "wouldn't it be such a powerful testimony if you were MIRACULOUS healed in a moment, Jessica?" Surely God could do that. Even as twinges of a flare still pulse through my body at times, I am still unfortunately led to a place of not trusting wholeheartedly in God's promise of being completely restored. So -- again, I am lead to study more about fear and how it is the opposite of faith... anyways... back to the original point.
The "Glory Cloud." As an artist, there is a moment when you are onstage and the stage lights illuminate your face so strongly that you feel completely in your element during the song you sing, the scene you portray, the point you try to get across to your audience. It's glorious. It's illuminated. I can remember one particular time when the beauty of a Strauss vocal line brought me to actual tears when singing the role of Sophie in Der Rosenkavalier. That is really frowned upon -- breaking that line between true human emotion and portrayed emotion -- but it was simply impossible during the incredible duet, "Ist ein Traum / Spür' nur dich". Incredible.
So, developing this deeper, I go back to the Glory Cloud and add "God" to it. It is a place where you are simply seeing gold auras around people, when there is a sweet heaviness to your immediate environment, and an intimacy and peace that only the Father can bring. Sometimes, there is stillness and quiet. At other times there is intensity and evolvement of that intensity into something tangible.
Reflecting upon the miracle done thus far in my life through the healing I have experienced, I can only describe the moment below as "basking in the light of His presence." I, as a Levite, was set at perfect peace as I set forth to minister Moses Hogan's arrangement of the Negro spiritual, "There's a Man Goin' Round." To live in that Glory Cloud would be nothing short of being in Heaven at His throne. And you see why I want to sing. And to testify about what He took me out of and continues to walk me through.
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
My brain and why I don't like how it rhymes with "pain"
I really have been doing so much better. I cannot give God enough praises. It's like I almost feel unworthy of His blessings. What a lie from the devil.
I have been getting so much stronger. My physical therapist is such a sweet person. She is more like a friend - but equally phenomenal therapist. She has the amazing ability to put you at such ease when doing things to your pelvic floor. For those that may not know what the means, the pelvic floor is, well, your "land where the sun don't shine." Now that I have explained it to you...
What hurts the most is the connective tissue and scar mobilization. Scars hurt. I guess that is why they are scars. I was born with a very ugly looking birthmark that fully covered the inside of my entire right arm, underarm, half of my right breast, and a portion of my back. It was not one of those red or port-wine stained birthmarks; rather, it was a raised, flesh colored, bumpy, scaly looking lizard-thing. When I was 12, I had two surgeries to remove it. The first surgery is where two skin expanders were placed to expand clear portions of skin adjacent to the birthmark. I had them injected with saline twice a week, once by my plastic surgeon, and once by my mom, a nurse. They ended up looking like two huge breast implants: one above my right breast and the other on my back below the shoulder blade. Not so easy to cover up or explain when I was quite the insecure young adolescent 12 year old. After six weeks, I went back into surgery where the skin expanders were removed and the birthmark cut out and the stretched skin sewn together in what now (at age 31) looks like a HOT mess!! Oh, but I've lived with that hideous scar for almost 20 years now. I wonder what the birthmark would have looked like at this point. That scar STILL hurts -- not the same of course, as it did 20 years ago, but I still cannot have anyone lift me holding under my arms (like I would a child).
So, the point is, scars stretch, and scars fade. I am cranky, I suppose, from my brain realizing an increase in pain from the recent scar mobilizations (not to mention jumping up and down like a wild woman at gospel choir rehearsal last night -- but it's really muscle pain, and not nerve pain, from the jumping, that is). And, the jumping was for good reason -- praising God almighty for the miracle of me standing there singing in ZERO out of 10 pain when one year ago I could hardly walk.
I'm guilty tonight of fear. In the past 4 weeks, I have not realized pain over a level 5, and I think that was really only on one particular occasion. But, fear reared its ugly head today after those mobilizations. The sky was so gray, and the rain so dense... it just set me into an ugly mood. I put myself to work, accomplishing many things.
But, what comes to mind right now is this:
I have been getting so much stronger. My physical therapist is such a sweet person. She is more like a friend - but equally phenomenal therapist. She has the amazing ability to put you at such ease when doing things to your pelvic floor. For those that may not know what the means, the pelvic floor is, well, your "land where the sun don't shine." Now that I have explained it to you...
What hurts the most is the connective tissue and scar mobilization. Scars hurt. I guess that is why they are scars. I was born with a very ugly looking birthmark that fully covered the inside of my entire right arm, underarm, half of my right breast, and a portion of my back. It was not one of those red or port-wine stained birthmarks; rather, it was a raised, flesh colored, bumpy, scaly looking lizard-thing. When I was 12, I had two surgeries to remove it. The first surgery is where two skin expanders were placed to expand clear portions of skin adjacent to the birthmark. I had them injected with saline twice a week, once by my plastic surgeon, and once by my mom, a nurse. They ended up looking like two huge breast implants: one above my right breast and the other on my back below the shoulder blade. Not so easy to cover up or explain when I was quite the insecure young adolescent 12 year old. After six weeks, I went back into surgery where the skin expanders were removed and the birthmark cut out and the stretched skin sewn together in what now (at age 31) looks like a HOT mess!! Oh, but I've lived with that hideous scar for almost 20 years now. I wonder what the birthmark would have looked like at this point. That scar STILL hurts -- not the same of course, as it did 20 years ago, but I still cannot have anyone lift me holding under my arms (like I would a child).
So, the point is, scars stretch, and scars fade. I am cranky, I suppose, from my brain realizing an increase in pain from the recent scar mobilizations (not to mention jumping up and down like a wild woman at gospel choir rehearsal last night -- but it's really muscle pain, and not nerve pain, from the jumping, that is). And, the jumping was for good reason -- praising God almighty for the miracle of me standing there singing in ZERO out of 10 pain when one year ago I could hardly walk.
I'm guilty tonight of fear. In the past 4 weeks, I have not realized pain over a level 5, and I think that was really only on one particular occasion. But, fear reared its ugly head today after those mobilizations. The sky was so gray, and the rain so dense... it just set me into an ugly mood. I put myself to work, accomplishing many things.
But, what comes to mind right now is this:
1 Peter 5:8
New King James Version (NKJV)
8 Be sober, be vigilant; because[a] your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.
Isn't that the truth? Of course, he would want to devour ME --- all I do is give the Lord praise, thank God, try my hardest to walk in holiness (I fail miserably, but, "we fall down, and we get up") raise my child, love my neighbors, be an encouragement, be a blessing, be a witness. Last night at gospel choir rehearsal, Pastor Kevin said "do you REALLY trust Him (Jesus)?" We had just finished rehearsing "Trust Me" by Richard Smallwood. He asked the choir three times. Each time, my response was "YES!" How could I not trust Him in that moment? I was sitting on the beautiful slate floor of the cathedral with literally no pain, having just sung the most heavenly melodies written by the hands of such an anointed songwriter, in the company of my beloved choir family (who prayed and probably still does pray for me without ceasing), practically seeing the cloud of Glory itself fill the space. But now -- in this moment -- when I am laying here flared up again, "brain thinking pain" once again...
I am so human.
Well, isn't that a good thing? Better to be a human than a robot, or an alien, I suppose!
I am so real.
I am just as fragile as you are. But in HIM, I can do ALL things. Only in HIM. Not in Jessica. I can do many, many, many wonderful things in Jessica, but not tonight. My own mind isn't strong enough to fight even a tiny little flare on my own. You might ask, "why always turn it around to Jesus? Give yourself some credit, Jessica." But you see, without Christ in ME, I am really nothing. For it is He who breathes fresh hope and fullness of joy into each moment of my life.
Thank you, God, once again.
Our Website is UP and Running
Please visit our website listed below.
The Pelvic Messenger - Home
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)