The problem with health care

My grandmother is very sick. She is in a local community hospital where she is clearly getting sub-par care. Yes, she has a lot of needs. She has had stage 4 terminal lung cancer first diagnosed in June 2009 and has way outlived her life expectancy. She's very sick now. High blood pressure off the charts and no one knows why. The family doctor doesn't talk to the neurologist, who doesn't talk to the surgeon, who doesn't talk to the cardiologist, who forgets to order the meds, that cause her to code and no one's "available" cause it's the New Years weekend coming up. Meanwhile, my poor grandmother, who has a tube down her throat, is thrashing about because her hands are literally tied because they don't want her to pull out the tube, and NOT ONE NURSE seems to care that the poor woman is clearly, visibly in misery and needs some attention. So my mother, who happens to be a nurse, finally asks "where's the pain medication, she needs some pain medication!!" and the surgeon says, "oh, I forgot to order it." 2mls of morphine later, and grandma's calmed down. Ugh. Breaks my heart.

Do I need to thrash and scream and beg and plead for people to realize I'm in pain? Heck, if someone isn't even going to listen to a beeping, alarming, high blood pressure monitor and a visibly sick cancer patient and give her credit where credit is due, who's going to think I'm in pain? "OH BUT YOU LOOK GOOD!" "YOU HAVE GOOD COLOR!" Oh, please. If I were an artist, I would paint you my pain. If I were a masochist, I would CAUSE you my pain.

No, not really. I love you. I love people. I have a heart and don't want others to be in pain. But, this is the struggle of one with chronic pain: the paradigm of wanting others to know and experience your pain for a second JUST SO THEY'D KNOW, or wanting to prove your pain somehow so they'd show you more compassion. What do I want? What do I need? I don't know.

There's a little girl on the PNE forums who is struggling with neuropathic itch. She is 7 years old. We have got to get the word out. This poor ANGEL, and her poor mother, SUFFERS!!! Ahhhh! Why, why, why all this suffering, Lord? This little girl is so embarrassed at her problem, she is 7 years old for gosh sakes, she is a baby, she is supposed to be playing nonsensically with her Barbies and her My Little Ponies and her Zhu Zhu Pets or whatever they are called. Not ashamed of her "privates" and her private problem. Poor sweetheart. Ugh, my heart just breaks. Please pray for her. The Lord knows her name.

I know doctors aren't Gods. They are far from it. Some, however, will go the extra mile to show compassion, care, concern, and they will dig deep, on a patient's behalf. I know this because I've experienced both sides of the spectrum. I've had doctors with MDs, PhDs, whatever "Ds" tell me to go drink two glasses of wine and use some lidocaine. Can you have possibly told that to my entrapped nerve, stuck like glue to scar tissue? That wine sure smoothed it out, baby. Do I sound angry? Yes, I guess I am.

My left side is healing. It's freed. So, why can't I just let it be?