Christ... in me??

Wow. For Christmas, my new friend Shirley bought me a daily devotional entitled "Pursuit of His Presence" by Kenneth and Gloria Copeland. I am making it my resolution to do a daily devotional that includes what chapters/verses to read and study daily. I was always such a good student in school, so this is my "homework." I am always amazed by this thought... and this TRUTH.... that when we ask Jesus into our hearts, He then dwells inside of us (His Spirit). So, Christ really IS in me! The devotional today talked about Colossians 1:27, which says "Christ, the Anointed One and His Anointing, is in me. He is my hope and expectation of glory." I feel unworthy to have Christ living in me. But I guess that's what makes me a sinner, saved by grace. He humbles me.

Music always comes to mind when studying the Word in any capacity. There is a song that was always in worship at Water of Life, our old church in Fontana, CA, and it is entitled "Everything" by Tim Hughes.

On another note, today, I visited my grandma in the hospital. Took my ice packs and shoved them where they needed shoved, and headed with J and A along sunny back roads. Got on the elevator, stepped out on floor 3, ICU. I WAS SHOCKED. My grandmother was like a little baby. Completely helpless. And in pain. To see that on her face, and the struggle because she couldn't communicate or string together thoughts, actions, words, or movements, was too much to bear. They brought her tray and she stuck her hand in the cheesecake with slow, deliberate movements like a young infant would. We took it away and I started to feed her some chicken soup, but it wasn't like a hungry infant would take it; it was more like WORK to feed her. It's almost as thought her poor, tired brain could not understand how to open her mouth, and all the while, her bruised hands grasped aimlessly for other things on the tray in what seemed like slow motion. I saw the foley catheter bag and it reminded me of the pain I had post-surgery when I had that foley and dragged it around Linda's house with that long, painful tube for an entire week, then flying home from AZ with it nonetheless. I am tearing up just thinking of her. A looked at her with a very confused and almost scared look, to see all those tubes up great gramma's nose, and her sitting there without her hair, skinny as a rail, with so many tubes and machines. We tried to tell her that this is where people go when they are sick and need care, just like Mommy needed care when she had her surgery and was sick and needed extra care. It was hard to leave. I laid my hand on her head after they got her back into bed and just prayed in the spirit over her. I felt the presence of two angels in that room, on each side of her, and I'm not sure if I felt their presence there to guard and protect her or that they were there waiting to take her home. Home to the Lord. I don't know, but that's what I felt in my spirit. Two loving, kind, angels.

Pain. Oh, how it breaks us!! I want to get back into the ministry. I miss it so much. My ministry is the PGC right now. I hate this pain. I want it gone so I can minister my gifts to others in need.

I start PT this Tuesday. I am so exhausted from laying around so much in bed or the couch, just muscle atrophy I guess. Little things wear me out, even with all the vitamins and my appetite, which is normal. I am also going to a pain clinic on Thursday in the city.

As I start this year, I do not know what it holds. All I know and the only hope I have is that my left side has had everything done to it that it can. It's up to God to do the rest. And as for my right... it is again in God's hands. I just need to trust Him completely. That is my biggest challenge... letting go of myself and trusting Him completely.