Back again, but in the shadow of His wings

What a beautiful picture. Our wonderful Lord, cradling a precious young girl. This is the love I have for my daughter. Oh, how she is a blessing to my (our) lives! After being gone again for recent treatments in Phoenix, she came home to a hurting mommy again, but told me in her sweet voice, "Mommy, you'll be better. You're ok."

How simple and how poignant her faith. What an angel.

I have so much to learn from her. So much.

Recent trip to Phoenix was eventful. I met with my amazing doctor, Dr. Michael Hibner, and as always, he was innovative, proactive, and determined to help in any way he could to rid me of my pain. I am 8 months post decompression. I had a dorsal block which was negative. No dorsal surgery, Praise God! He believes the flare cycle is just being precipitated by muscle spasms. Bilateral Botox was the word. I also had a short infusion of Duramorph and Ketamine to help central sensitization, but I don't think it was long enough. He wanted to do it longer, and I was willing, but with no pre-auth, I was afraid of a huge bill. I want to continue believing God that this is it, that I will make no more trips for treatment, that my Botox will work, relieving the spasms, taking pressure off my decompressed nerve, and allowing it to heal in PEACE.

I ended up with lots of side effects from the Duramorph. I'm just one of those lucky ones I guess. Infection is being taken care of. My dear hubby joked that he doesn't know what to remove first, my "bladder or my brain." I laughed and laughed. He thought I would be mad. It just goes to show that sometimes I do sound like an idiot. He helps me to trust God. Thank you, J!

But, I continue to read my Charles Spurgeon Morning and Evening devotional. And last night, it was so wonderful, because sometimes I just feel like this. Very frequently, in fact. And, it just reminded me that our Savior is readily available to cradle us in His arms as we cry. He has an endless reservoir for our tears, and not one is missed. To God be the glory!

Do Not Be Silent

"To You I will cry, O Lord my Rock; do not be silent to me, lest I become like those who go down to the pit." -- Psalm 28:1

A cry is the natural expression of sorrow and a suitable utterance when all other methods of appeal fail. The cry, however, must be directed to God alone, for cries to others are often wasted pleas. When we consider the readiness of the Lord to hear and His ability to help, we have good reason to direct our appeals to the God of our salvation. It will be useless to call to the rocks in the day of judgment, but our Rock answers our cries.

"Do not be silent to me." A person limited to reading written prayers, may be content not to have prayers answered, but genuine supplicants must have answers. These are not satisfied with results that only calm the mind or subdue the will; they must receive actual replies from heaven or they cannot rest. And they want those replies at once, for they dread even a moment of God's silence. God's voice is often so terrible that it shakes the wilderness, but His silence is equally full of awe.

When God is close, do not be silent. Cry with greater earnestness. When your notes grow shrill with eagerness and grief, He will not deny you a hearing. What a dreadful situation you would be in if God were to become forever silent. If God were silent to you, "you would become like those who go down to the pit." Deprived of the God who answers prayer, you would be in a more pitiable plight than the dead in the grave. It would not be long before you would sink to the same level as the lost in hell.

We must have answers to prayer. Ours is an urgent case of dire necessity. Surely the Lord will speak peace to our agitated minds. He never can find it in His heart to permit His own elect to perish. --- Charles Spurgeon