"....In Christ alone, my hope is found, He is my light my strength, my song. This cornerstone, this solid ground, firm through the fiercest drought and storm...."
I remember when I was leading worship in CA, and an older member of the church asked me to learn this song and sing it for our congregation. Only until I have reached such points of desperation in my life such as the present have I realized the precious meaning of these words.
"....what heights of love, what depths of peace, when fears are stilled, when striving ceased.... my comforter, my all in all, here in the love of Christ, I live."
Life with Pudendal Neuralgia/Pelvic Floor Dysfunction (as I now call it, since my nerve is "unentrapped") has been rough lately. I have had a lot of flare ups. My sweet baby girl is learning to use the potty, and I squatted to hold her on the potty at a public place instead of my usual kneeling down. That did me in. What is it? The muscles surrounding the nerve that flared it? The severed sacrospinous ligament? The nerve itself? Oh, Lord.... have mercy on my dear soul.... stop my worrying mind from always thinking the worst. Whew. Thank you, Jesus. Your peace came quickly. I didn't do anything permanent... I just, well, FLARED it. GRRRRR. Roaaarrrrrrrr. Arr, matey. Whatever.
It all stinks.
I'll get better, and soon. Yes, hope is on the horizon. We did NOT have peace about having the right sided decompression. We cancelled it. My husband and little angel prayed nightly that mommy would not have to have any more surgery, and praise God, I pray that I never do again. This is a great step! Instead, I will be flying to Phoenix to have bilateral Botox injections and an ultrasound guided nerve block of the dorsal branch of the pudendal nerve to see if that branch is involved (that is the only branch that cannot be decompressed during the transgluteal approach that I had in November). Dr. Hibner has seen quite a lot of success in his post-surgical patients with Botox. I hope so. I had it before the surgery and it did not seem to help much. I know my pelvic floor is a hot mess of charlie horses, so it's gotta do something. I have hope.
If you are reading this blog, please do a few things: 1) praise God with me for not having to have the surgery 2) pray for me that this Botox helps and 3) pray that either complete healing comes soon or we get raptured --- no, seriously --- Maranatha! --- (Come, Lord Jesus!)
On a less serious note, I have a curl "stick" that I use to make waves in my hair. My little princess got hers curled too, just like mommy's, before church today. Ahhhh, my little clone. She is a blessing from the Lord. God love her sweet angel soul.
Also, bless the LORD for my husband. God LOVE HIM. He puts up with me. How does he do it? The strength of the Incredible Hulk. Seriously, through God's Holy Spirit and His mercies that are new every morning does he put up with me and this illness. I love him so much. I can't wait to enjoy our lives after the canker worm is done with his eating. (A little ol' King James for you, there.)
Hallelujah! Jesus is Alive!!! I just had to say that because my daughter sings it constantly.
Be blessed and have FAITH. And, Maranatha.
