So, I had the 24 hour stomach flu. Not so good for my pudendal nerve healing. The polar ice pack and heating pad(s) are my best friends today. They've been my best friends for a long time. I'd like to drop them pretty soon, you know, kick them off the lunch table or pick them last for the team? I'm sick of it. I want to go back to SINGING, studying music, working on my parenting skills, potty training my daughter, playing with my daughter, getting OFF this COUCH, ugh, doing something!
Don't you just wish you could call some magical number and have them write you a script for an immediate cure? You know, like Pepto Bismol for the soul or something? Instead of flying all over the country, fighting endlessly with insurance companies, trying to PROVE you have a problem (a REAL, LIVE, PHYSICAL PROBLEM), having MRI's at special hospitals, getting your butt all cut up.... etc. etc.
When I wake up in the morning, I want my most difficult decision to be what type of K-cup I pick for my Keurig. I want to have plans that include getting out of the house, driving, playing with my daughter, and NOT HAVING THE EVIL PAIN LINGERING IN THE BACKGROUND, nagging me like a fly in my ear.
I never understood before. Never, never, never. Just lived life like y'all do who don't have pain. Yes, I'm jealous of you. I'm honest. I'm jealous. I hate pain. Seriously, to think 3 1/2 years ago, I was writing songs on a hard piano bench, hardly ever taking naps, running with my dog, having sex without pain (whoa! you might say... TMI... but hardly for the PNE sufferer), going shopping, eating with friends, dreaming about saving money for the next vacation.... aaaahhhhh..... real life. REAL LIFE.
Is this my REAL LIFE? Well, this is real life, NOW. I will not ever accept that it will be my life. This will change. This will improve. I will win.
I am almost 8 weeks post op from left sided transgluteal pudendal nerve decompression. I start PT next week. What about my right side? Cross talk? Oh, just think POSITIVE THOUGHTS, they all say.
You live through it, then tell me that.
Ok, my daughter just crawled up on my chest and kissed me. See, I am still alive.
2 comments:
Hey there girl. My last surgery wasn't nearly as complicated or as severe as yours. But I'm still having pain. (my surgery was actually embarrassing and silly) But what I am learning from the pain is we as Moms are tougher then we give ourselves credit for, we never complain, and we always put others first. Well, guess what? It's ok to put yourself first. It's ok to complain about pain. After all, IT HURTS! I always used to think that if I complained about my pain, everyone would think I'm making it up. Thinking "oh she just wants a nap." or something like that. But your family and friends are here for you. And that's why we have family and friends. To complain to. After all, we listen to them! I know you are a strong woman, mom, and wife. Plus I know for a fact that you have God on your side. You are in my prayers everyday for healing! You will be the mommy playing outside with your sweet little girl again! I know it!
God Bless you!
~~Julie :-)
Dear Jalbright: I hope u get well soon. I really think women in general are very tough, tough mentally.
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