Things change...

I happened to read a few of my old blog entries from the very beginning of this blog. Did I ever mention how much I hate the word "blog?" What a dumb word. But, getting back on track, so I re-read some old stuff. In all the posts,there were elements of what I was living with at the current time: what symptoms I was experiencing, what meds I was taking, what upcoming treatments I had going on, what the physicians were recommending for me... and through all the different posts, those things changed. Plans changed. Symptoms came, got worse, were masked by drugs, reactions then happened to drugs, treatment plans changed, moving, changing, moving, changing...

There is a thread of similarity throughout all these posts though -- whether it be about medical things, things from my hurting soul, from my melancholic memories --- and that thread is this:

Hebrews 13:8 "Jesus Christ is the SAME, Yesterday, Today, and FOREVER."

What does that mean to you?

Well, here's what it means to me. In the beginning of this journey, there was a promise, a prophecy, if you will, that the Lord spoke to some unknown lady at Water of Life Community Church in Fontana, California. She saw a young, hurting woman coming up to the altar for prayer at a Sunday evening service. She didn't ask what I was crying about. She didn't ask my name. She simply put her hands on me and said, you are a Precious Daughter in the Lord's sight. God is telling me He wants to heal your nervous system."

Vooooo---doooooooooooo..............! Wait! No! Of course not. It never crossed my mind that what this lady was saying was odd. For when I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior and asked Him to rule over my life when I was halfway through my Master's program in Opera Performance at the American Institute of Musical Studies in Graz, Austria, in July, 2004, the Holy Spirit dwelled within me. And that same Holy Spirit, who is God, resounded in my hurting soul at that moment and peace filled me and I knew, I knew, that what this unknown woman said would come to be true words. For, Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever.

My situation may have changed. To God be the glory for that. What made me go down dead end roads? Why did I suffer more? Why did I develop Complex Regional Pain Syndrome -- a disease of the entire nervous system - as a result of a failed surgery? You know what... it doesn't matter. Because MY GOD is still the same. He never changes. His promise, HIS WORD is true. (Thank you, Pastor Kurt, for reminding me of that in the summer of 2010 when I wrote it down in my journal).

I am not some super hero. Nor am I some super woman of mountains of faith. I am as fallible and as broken and as much of a sinner as anyone else. I am not special in the world's eye. I am special to my Father. Learning of the true love that God has for me, for Jessica, is more revelation that I have ever asked for or ever believed possible.

What is different and why can't I have that? you might ask.

Matthew 7:7 "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened unto you."

You really never know until you try.