Friday, January 7, 2011

Bad Day, Good Day, Bad, Bad, Good

While watching The Bay of the Holy Spirit Revival tonight, I was really overcome with emotion. Emotion, confusion, frustration, desire, grief, anger, remembrance.... everything. Nathan really preaches the Word, clearly, truly, and how Jesus did. God bless Him for that. I am struggling with God's purpose for my suffering and the suffering of my husband and family. I am a singer... I am a worshiper, I am anointed to sing of God's mercies, graces, praise, and greatness! How can I do that from the couch, or the bed, with ice packs and heating pads, not being able to sit, with Fentanyl patches, Valium, drugs I don't want to take, doctors I don't want to see....

I want to go to church. I want to be there, in the presence of God. Yes I know, I can have the presence of God right here in my bedroom. But, there is something about corporal worship that is so meaningful. They are doing a song right now on the revival that I used to do at Calvary Faith. I miss this part of my life.

I guess my prayer for tonight really is, that if my healing can't be today, that someone's can, and that they will TESTIFY loudly about it, to the Glory of God. That's just what I kept feeling in my spirit as Nathan kept calling people to the stage for prayer. If I can't be healed today, well, someone can, because Jesus never stops even when we do. Good night.

1 comment:

Marie Josee said...

I remember praying for my life, not quality of life, but my life for I was planning to kill myself if I was suffering as I was for 24 months. It was getting to be too much pain all the time. I kept praying, having faith that I need to be patient day by day. God blessed me by decreasing the amount of pain I have, now it is not constant or horrific. I'm very greatful for that.